Vanity, Definitely my favorite sin...

First, fuck you. Fuck you in the fuckiest way possible. And I mean that from the heart....don't forget it.

Second, Thea is cool. I like her lots. You should too, but she's mine. Learn to deal.

Third, I love this place. Bloomington is everything I thought that it would be. At first, I thought it would be sketch, but I have learned to live and keep on learning. I completely miss being immersed in a sea of education, but I find ways to keep my mind open and ticking. I'm in the middle of a couple biographies, and I'll be sure to post reviews when I'm done.

Listen to me when I say this: I honestly believe that something big is going to happen to me soon. By the end of the year...I can feel it. It may have something to do with camp, it may have something to do with my private (now very private) life, I simply don't know. I'll do my best to keep this up to date. Set me to favorites. I'm my own favorite...I should be your's too.

And the months will fade...

How do I explain it?? Life, love, loss....and gains. I could go into the details, but you, the reader, if you do not already know, then follow the lines...

Life is a vacation. You work, you live, and then you die. There is always a speck of us, a tiny quark, that outlives our memory. Some things in life will fade away...The promises made, the embraces shared, connections and networks...they will all fade away. The only thing that you can rely on is your family...and your other family: the group of friends that will do anything for you, and that you will repay in kind.

I loved in the not-so-distant past. As brightly as it burned, the flames grew out of my control, and I was burned. I have spent the past few months in the burn unit. I was given skin grafts from those closest to me, and I have survived because of their selflessness. I fell and broke my body, and have been made whole again. It is the kind of generosity that one hopes for from friends....from brothers.

The cold dark is beckoning me. I have only the prospect of a warm flame to guide me through. I know it is there somewhere in the forest of my mind. She is keeping it warm, tending it with fuel diligently, and ever awaiting my arrival. My pace quickens as the days grow longer.

Is this world ready for peace?? Is my heart ready for change?? Am I ready to do my part?? Am I strong enough to tend the flame awaiting me??

Muse: "Different Names for the Same" Death Cab for Cutie

Hey, Evansville....

I'm leaving. In 9 days. Like.....for good. I'm graduating in 3 days, and then after that, it's packing packing packing, WoW, packing, saying good-bye to a couple people, and then it's off to the real world with me. To possibly make coffee for the rest of my life....such is the way of the perpetual history student. Hit up the digits if you want to see me before I leave. Or don't. I'll miss some of you....promise.

The Hardest Button to Button...

Well, it happened. I don't need to talk about the event itself, or even what brought it about, but if you know anything about me, then you can piece it together...

I really don't know how I feel right now. It's like two years ago, I was completely crushed, because I thought that it was something that I did, or that it was preventable, and it took me a while to get over that. I don't feel at fault now. I don't feel as if this is even something that needs reparation. I simply feel....I don't know...liberated?? That may sound to rash of a word, but if I had to put a label on it, that's what I'd go with.

Two days ago, I didn't care. Now that the emotion and the fighting and everything is starting to diminish, I find myself at a crossroads again...Wallow in pity for myself, or pick up my stuff, graduate, leave and never look back. I think that a quiet exit is in order here.

I already have little in the way of nice things to say about myself. If anything was the cost of the past year and a half, it was my self-esteem. I need to build that back up, for my own sake.

The outlook is dark right now. But they say that it is always darkest before the dawn. I think it's time for my to break down camp and hike out...

So, the pig's gone. Yeah, I know, that one was short-lived. Hit me up on AIM if you really care.

Next in news, I have been chosen to be the High Adventure Director at camp this summer. Yeah, that's right, after seven years since my first position there as a CIT being paid nothing more than $50 a week, I will be a director. With my own staff. And my own area. I'm thoroughly and completely stoked.

Lastly, I have decided that I am going to do all of my last projects for school after next week. So that gives me two weeks to slack on school, and then its go-time for the last time. Be excited for me graduating. I demand it.

/Over and out

I'm going to get the pig today. Alone. Tab was supposed to go with me, and we were going to have an awesome whirlwind tour of the Midwest. But she has to go to work tomorrow.

If there's anyone that reads this today, know that I'll be flying solo for about 8 hours today. No need to hesitate in giving me a call.

Here's to first credit cards, paying for last semesters, and getting a pig (in two weeks)!! Cheers